i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
