I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
