so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize