atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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