I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
