god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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