a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
