My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
