I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is it because I queefed?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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