You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
