apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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