So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
