have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
