Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
