explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
