he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize