There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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