That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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