I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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