I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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