these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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