Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
