she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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