Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
