Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
