So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize