I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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