Already got asked if we're dating
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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