some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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