he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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