i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
