She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
