4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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