No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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