is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
tell me about the eggs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
