u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
