Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
