it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
