it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
