Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Houston, we have a squirter
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
