Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
