Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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