The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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