That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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