you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
