My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
