No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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