I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
