we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
