you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As shirtless as possible
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
