Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
