found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
