whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
