I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize