I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
