That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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