I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize