My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
