Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize