i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
