Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
