4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
