census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
