I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
