I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
