we have officially lost it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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