white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
